A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
