the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
