I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
