1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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