Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
