do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
