When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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