sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
