exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
