True but thats because hes a fetus.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just want to make out with him forever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
