Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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