I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
