It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
