So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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