One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
