phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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