I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
