those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
