Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
