Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize