apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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