Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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