halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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