I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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