She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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