my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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