i barfeds in our rink
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
