The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we're making bets on your personal life
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
