haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
