I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
