I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
