I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
