I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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