I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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