I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
