i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
