Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize