I only kidnapped one of them. chill
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
