the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
