Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
