billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
