So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
