In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
