I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize