We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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