gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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