dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
