I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im holly from the hills drunk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize