It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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