HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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