He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
