If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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