My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
