East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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