No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
