I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
