I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
