I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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