Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
