some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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