saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
