I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
