perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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