i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
two words...techno handjob
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
