oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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