Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
