You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
