I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
