I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
